I woke early for a Saturday (although not terribly early for me) and watched the light change through my living room window from blue-gray to azure to brilliant white. And I thought about Twist & Knit.
I have a new layout, and I have the patterns written, photography is done, and I just need to finish the copy and the layout to get a page count, price printing, and open up pre-sales. When I phrase it like that it doesn’t seem like that much work, but it’s daunting. I want to do it well, but I also want to do it quickly and that has been tripping me up.
Up to now it’s been sort of like research. I was gathering all the pieces together. Patterns, check. Photos, check. Information I want to convey, check. But now I have to make it all presentable and that’s something that feels entirely new to me. I’ve been doing individual pattern layout and making it consistent, but a book feels like so much more. I need to figure out pattern order to give the proper flow, and above all I want the book to be beautiful, which I am feeling genuinely unqualified to do.
I will get over it. I’ll push through and make everything work. I am too damn stubborn to let this project die for self-pity, but it makes it a uniquely painful thing to do. And I guess I just have to suck it up and face my insecurities. As I start the downslide into 30, I was thinking that by the time I’m 30 I should be over the stupid little things I hate about myself. At least to the point where I can work past them. I doubt that I’ll suddenly be NOT insecure about things… just that I think by 30 I should be able to move on beyond them. I don’t want to be an angsty 30 year old. So I guess I’d better start now and work through my book dread.
M
Comments 9
You know… really… it’s gonna be superb when you are done with it. Your work always is.
And actually? I think 40 is the benchmark to quit having angst about oneself. Or less anyway. Not that I personally would know or anything.
Posted 20 Feb 2010 at 4:11 PM ¶If it helps, I still get fussy about putting bigger documents together and I’ve done it over and over and over again at this point. It gets easier the more you get into it, I promise. And you can always ping me if you run into something you need another eye on.
Posted 20 Feb 2010 at 11:08 PM ¶If you weren’t any good, you wouldn’t care about these things so much. And what you’re saying about working through it reminds me of something I just read in Seth Godin’s “Linchpin” this morning – and it’s good that you’re pushing through.
Posted 21 Feb 2010 at 8:07 AM ¶First, at 47 I can say that 30 is probably not the benchmark for completely freeing yourself of insecurities, however, it starts in your 30s and just keeps getting better! So far, my 40s are my favorite decade. I can’t wait for your book and I know it will be amazing. I’ve knitted three of your patterns and loved them all – the designs are beautiful, the instructions and charts are accurate and easy to read. Just keep pushing through – one task at a time. Each step doesn’t have to be perfect – you can go back and tweak later. You’ve accomplished much already, this is just a continuation of the journey.
Posted 21 Feb 2010 at 10:53 AM ¶Maybe this will help. If you publish it, I will buy it!
I really do look forward to seeing your work. Best wishes.
Posted 21 Feb 2010 at 5:53 PM ¶{hugs} miriam, wait, you aren’t 30 yet? (blush, just by your string of accomplishments I assumed you were!) you are so accomplished and amazing and I know you’ll do a superb job with this book.
me? i’m having a rough 30 and i’m hoping that 35 will be when i slow on all this doubt and actually start to figure me out… i would say 40 but right now that feels really far away and i want to stop with the doubt already!
Posted 21 Feb 2010 at 8:29 PM ¶it starts in your 30, gets better in your 40s, and your 50s its great. I don’t know about any older yet, I’m 57, but I’m getting together applique quilt patterns for a website of my own, So you are ahead of me there – and just pushing on through gets a lot of things accomplished…
Posted 22 Feb 2010 at 11:05 AM ¶Turning 30 is no “downslide.” It’s wonderful. Forty is fabulous, fifty is liberating, and 60 is the best yet! Be kind to yourself, work carefully and steadily when you are in the mood to (and if you’re not in the mood,get outdoors for a walk or something outside you love), and enjoy the process.
Posted 22 Feb 2010 at 6:45 PM ¶I’ve got to say that I agree with Katie and Mady here (even though I’ve not yet cracked the 50 barrier)! Truthfully, I always thought of 30s as the point where your own understanding of who you are and what matters to you is solidified–and then you can start working on what you want that to *become.*
Regardless, Mim, YOU CAN DO THIS. And, honey, you can do it very well indeed. It will feel odd, unfamiliar, and intimidating. But it’s not a dragon.
Break that scary beast down into little green lizards. You know, the cute little ones with the red throat pouch that scamper away like flashes of neon lights and are totally harmless. If the big picture intimidates you, get rid of it. As folks have already told you, take it one step at a time. When you get one area done, you can step back and look at the big picture for a moment, then go back for the close-up work. But deal with one issue at a time. Start with the order of the patterns. Pretend you’ve never seen these before. What order would make most sense to you as a new viewer? Print out one copy of each pattern’s photo–just the primary photo–and shuffle them up like a deck of cards. Now lay them out in a picture trail. Don’t worry about the patterns themselves, construction, and so forth. Instead, think about how the pictures seem to go together. What story do they want to tell? Put them in that order.
Repeat after me: I can do this. Because, honey, you can. And we all know it. Now we just need YOU to know it.
Posted 03 Mar 2010 at 12:41 PM ¶Post a Comment