I woke early for a Saturday (although not terribly early for me) and watched the light change through my living room window from blue-gray to azure to brilliant white. And I thought about Twist & Knit.
I have a new layout, and I have the patterns written, photography is done, and I just need to finish the copy and the layout to get a page count, price printing, and open up pre-sales. When I phrase it like that it doesn’t seem like that much work, but it’s daunting. I want to do it well, but I also want to do it quickly and that has been tripping me up.
Up to now it’s been sort of like research. I was gathering all the pieces together. Patterns, check. Photos, check. Information I want to convey, check. But now I have to make it all presentable and that’s something that feels entirely new to me. I’ve been doing individual pattern layout and making it consistent, but a book feels like so much more. I need to figure out pattern order to give the proper flow, and above all I want the book to be beautiful, which I am feeling genuinely unqualified to do.
I will get over it. I’ll push through and make everything work. I am too damn stubborn to let this project die for self-pity, but it makes it a uniquely painful thing to do. And I guess I just have to suck it up and face my insecurities. As I start the downslide into 30, I was thinking that by the time I’m 30 I should be over the stupid little things I hate about myself. At least to the point where I can work past them. I doubt that I’ll suddenly be NOT insecure about things… just that I think by 30 I should be able to move on beyond them. I don’t want to be an angsty 30 year old. So I guess I’d better start now and work through my book dread.